Feeling rules are social norms that tell us what, when, where, and how to feel and how strong our emotions can be for given circumstances. These rules are not written and you will not be given a list as you begin your first job in the health profession. Through experience, you will learn these rules as you observe your colleagues and engage in social interactions with patients. Feedback from colleagues and patients will help you determine the appropriate behaviors that serve as social norms for your specific work related responsibilities. For example, when is it appropriate to cry with a patient? What rare circumstances warrant expressing anger or a stern rebuff? What emotions are deemed unprofessional? Is there a backstage within your setting that you can retreat to and release your feelings or is this not allowable? Who can you share your feelings with at work? Arllie Hochschild indicates that when we ask, “what am I feeling?” or “what should I feel?” or “why am I feeling this way?” we are in the presence of a feeling rule. In essence, we are outside ourselves and looking inward in an objective manner, attempting to understand the societal rules that govern our behavior for the specific situation. Consider a situation in which you have taken care of teenage patient in the hospital for a period of 3 months and she passes away. The family is grief stricken and you have become close to the family members. It is natural that your emotions will rise as well requiring you to manage your feelings and consider the feeling rules.

What are the feeling rules for this situation? Is it permissible to cry with the family or do they need you to be strong and stoic in this circumstance? A display of empathy is always paramount with either choice.